To be honest, we’ve been putting this update off because it’s not an easy one. So, we’ll keep this one short and sweet.
You can watch the Facebook live video we did and/or read below.
The headline says it all…we are no longer considering ourselves matched.
Almost exactly three months ago, we shared an update that we had matched with an expectant mother through our Facebook adoption page. Then, just a short month later, we shared the ultrasound photo of her baby in another update. We were so fortunate to fly out to meet her, go with her to her 20-week ultrasound appointment, and start what we thought was going to be a beautiful, lifelong relationship.
We were over the moon excited not only because we thought we’d found “our” baby, but because this woman instantly felt like family to us. It was the situation we’d be dreaming of.
But, the past month things took an unexpected turn. For lack of better words, she disappeared on us. Up until that point we had been texting almost daily and our last conversation contained nothing, in our opinion, that could have upset her.
Without sharing too many personal details out of respect for her, we’ve since had several “red flags” pop up that have led us to believe she had a change of heart and no longer wants to make an adoption plan for her baby. We’ve spent the past month confused, filled with questions, and caught somewhere between wanting to give her space and honor her wishes but also grieving for our own “loss” and the emotions that come with that.
But, the more time we’ve had to process things, the more peace we’ve slowly began to feel. Once the initial shock and disappointment wore off, we were able to look at the situation with a different perspective.
Was It Really a Failure?
Watching our live video update back, I realized there was something I wish we would’ve expressed more of. I wished we would’ve expressed that even though our hearts hurt, we are sincerely happy for her. That’s how adoption works…you feel all sorts of emotions all at once.
I guess when you look at the bigger picture, it’s only considered a “failed match” to us. When it comes to adoption and a women making an incredibly difficult decision, perhaps this was actually a “success” that she decided she could parent this baby. Isn’t the goal to make sure this baby is first given life, and then chosen by someone – mom or adoptive parents – who is committed to doing whatever it takes to provide for him.
Just the fact that she was considering adoption shows that she loves this child unconditionally. She was willing to sacrifice her own happiness to ensure he could have the life he deserves. We know without a doubt that she gave this A LOT of thought and because of that, while it hurts, we also believe that she made the right choice.
She made the right decision for her, for this baby, and even for us. By her choosing to parent her child, we can now consider ourselves one step closer to finding our child.
We Have Hope!
We certainly didn’t want this to be a part of our adoption journey and story. It’s a “bump in the road” that is extremely difficult to go through. But, it’s our journey regardless and we believe we had to go through it in order to get to our baby.
We have to choose to see the good in this part of our journey. This sweet expectant mama gave us so much hope. When we started this process there were days that we felt it was impossible! But she came along and showed us that it is. It was possible to self-match, to find a woman who we could connect with and build a close, open relationship with, and to actually fulfill our dream of becoming parents. And it will be possible again!
She will always have a special place in our hearts, along with that precious baby boy. Who knows, maybe we helped her in some way along her own journey. Maybe she’ll think of us from time to time and be grateful that we led her to making one of the most important decisions of her life.
We’re slowly picking up the pieces and determining how we plan to move forward in our journey. We’ve contacted our agencies and are considered an “active, waiting family” again. We also plan to continue to do our own outreach through our blog and social media.
The important thing is that we’re staying focused on the goal of finding our baby, without getting too overwhelmed by the how and when. We’ll leave those details up to God. There’s certainly no map when it comes to adopting but a good friend told us, “your baby won’t pass you by!” and it’s comforting to think about him or her actually finding us, too!
So, friends, the adventure continues!
We can’t thank you enough for your continual prayers for us, this expectant mom, her baby, and the next mother and baby that are waiting for us.
We’d love your support in helping us start spreading the word again. Remember to like and share our Facebook page and watch out for posts for you to like, comment, and share! It helped us reach a woman at the right time once and it could happen again!
Click the image below to be taken straight to our adoption page on Facebook!
T H A N K Y O U!!! We couldn’t have gotten through this past month without all the love and encouragement we’ve received.
-Dan + Lindsay